( +5 )

Forgot to buy a tree topper last year so we improvised.

Thanksgiving came and went. I'm willing to bet my family gatherings aren't nearly as amusing as other people's. There isn't much laughter, there's no music, and since Mormons don't drink there's never a crazy drunk distant relative in the corner saying inappropriate things to small children. Everyone basically shows up just in time to eat, have a few conversations, then leave. If there is any fun and laughter, it's usually one of us pulling another aside to whisper something in an ear that could never be said out loud. I can't wait until the older generation passes that torch down to us. Then it's game on.

( Introspection... )

I'm thankful for my funny, healthy, beautiful girls. I'd still be thankful if they were fugs.
I'm thankful for my gorgeous little castle in the sky, in a building where I feel so safe.
I'm thankful for amazing friends, both old and new, who have graced my life with their presence.

Everyone and everything else about life can suck my ass. I'm thankful I've been able to mostly hide from the really real world for the last couple years. It's been a nice vacation.

kid free week so the last few days have pretty much been a drunken haze. I'm not sure what to think of this. It's 7am and im still drunk. I'm only typing correctly because I spent a solid 5 minutes backspacing and correcting my boo boos. OCD is win.

I may have a problem.

Gonna go attempt a hooker pole workout drunk. This may end badly.

I've lately started forcing myself to go out on weekends. I'm trying to drag myself out of my funk and it starts with making up for the lack of freedom, friends, and booze during my 20's. I'm not sure if this should be considered "recapturing my youth" or "cougar training" but there's been no clear line between day and night over the last 72 hours. I had a particularly fun weekend which is starting to slip away as if it were a dream.

( drunken recap )

Sierra always gives delivery guys stickers for some reason. I love watching their reactions. Sometimes the guy is grumpy and pissy and even the painfully adorable blonde haired blue eyed little sticker princess can't get a grin out of him. I find that sad. Once or twice they even told her no thanks which of course broke her little heart. The older men are usually quite amused by it. I guess they have that "grandpa" thing going on and have a greater appreciation for the little things in life. Either that or they're all pedophiles, but for whatever reason, they usually smile and thank her.

Last week, we had a new delivery guy from the local nom nom shop. He looked about my age and was really tall with broad shoulders, longish brown hair, a great smile, and a huge personality which was obvious before he even opened his mouth. He was quite possibly the most attractive delivery guy I've ever seen. I shall order from this place more often.

Anyway, after years of giving out delivery guy stickers, Sierra has realized the possibility of rejection so instead of just stickering someone, she now first politely asks if they'd like one. When she did, this guy got the biggest grin on his face and acted so excited. He said "AWW YEAH! Hit me up, girl!!!" and stuck out his hand. Sierra put a Halloween bat on him and he laughed and thanked her for giving him something manly instead of a rainbow or a unicorn. She responded with "yeah, I know what boys like." He raised one brow as he looked at her then he shot me that "you'd better keep an eye on that one" look. I covered my face and shook my head in shame. We were both laughing as I shut the door. I could hear him still laughing as he walked down the hallway.

As soon as he was gone, Sierra whispered to me "Mommy, I know he was older and all but I think he was kinda cute." I whispered back, "I thought he was kinda cute too." She put her hands on her cheeks and shouted "OHMYGOSH! We have SO MUCH in common!!!"

I'm skeered. A few more years and she'll be stealin muh menz.

I wish everywhere I went had 20 year olds for the lulz, and 40 year olds for the intellectual stimulation. Everyone my age seems to be in the same weird funk I'm in, and it's really sucking the happy out of me. I need to find some shiny new characters for this chapter of my life.

Then again, I'm so far removed from society. I have no idea where I fit in anymore.

Balance is good.

I had the busiest Halloween weekend of my life. All day Friday was spent gathering last minute bells and whistles for the girls costumes, packing them up for the weekend, running errands, and getting my place ready for the party. Aside from the one normal hurling party goer who cleaned up after himself the next morning, and one case of alcohol poisoning which Feesha took care of, it went really well. What I remember of it was fun, but I was a lot of the drunk and had the attention span of a goldfish so it all seemed to fly by for me. I mostly just sat out on the balcony chatting with people. There were lots of bodies crashed at the end of the night which is always a good sign and I woke up feeling like death Saturday but that quickly faded.



( recap and more pics... )

I shipped Morgan out the door at 7:30 and walked Sierra down to the bus at 8:45 - morning business as usual. Then I ran to the corner store to grab some milk and bread. I physically bumped into some lady twice due to my oversized hoodie and lack of peripheral vision. Fail. Then on the way back I tripped on a rock and finally goobed out in front of a cute guy on the elevator, smacking myself just afterward while the phrase "I carried a watermelon?" from Dirty Dancing ran through my head. For as friendly and outgoing as I am with friends and regular people I rub elbows with on a daily basis, I've never been blessed with the ability to coherently communicate with people I'm attracted to. It's an endless source of embarrassment and amusement.

For a brief moment this morning, I walked past the coffee in 7-11 and thought "Maybe today is the day I'm a grown up. Maybe I'll start drinking coffee." But that thought was quickly replaced by my desire for a Mountain Dew for caffeinated yummyness instead because I still think I'm 16. I've done so good on my diet lately, but the thought of that sweet nectar of the gods on my lips was just too much for me to resist today.

So now I've got a few more minutes of breakfast and slacking then it's time for hurricane mode. I still have a ton of cleaning, rearranging, and shopping to do before my Halloween party tomorrow. I'm hoping to get it all done today so tomorrow can just be for last minute errands and the making of the jello shots and finger foods. Yeah. We'll see how well that goes.

Someone from craigslist is supposed to stop by tonight or tomorrow morning to pick up a ginormous mirror I'm too lazy to hang. I failed to mention that this thing is a fucking beast and I'm on the 19th floor. LOL SURPRISE MIRROR LADY!!!

I have no idea why I woke up at 4 this morning. Maybe it was the headache, or maybe it was the dream involving my future husband, Ryan Reynolds, but regardless I was wide awake so there was no point in tossing and turning for a couple more hours until my alarm went off. I immediately grabbed the only pill I pop like candy with complete disregard for the ingredients or the fact that I hate medication - Excedrin Migraine (which by the way does NOTHING for migraines but is amazing on regular headaches) and now I'm currently sitting in the living room in the dark enjoying the lack of headache as the Excedrin nausea creeps in. I can't find the remote and the tivo has failed to change to the correct channel as usual so I'm watching an infomercial for some collectible coins. I guess it could be worse. It could be the extended version of the ExtenZe commercial.

I've been feeling a little better lately. I'm not sure what changed, but yesterday I was wandering around all day singing. I haven't done that in years. Hell, I haven't listened to music in years, and music used to be my life.

I've lost 10 more pounds. I'd still like to lose 10 more, 20 would be amazing. Maybe I don't look like I have that much to lose because everyone says I'm nuts when I give them the numbers but I'm still 35 from my 18 year old fightin weight and I was never too skinny. I doubt I'll ever get back to my pre-baby peak of hotness weight, but I'm never letting myself get this fat again. I fucking hate hardcore cardio.

oh fuck me there's that ExtenZe infomercial... LOL

When I was little... maybe 8? I went to some sort of cookout with my family. I don't know whose party it was or where, but they lived right on the beach. I immediately wandered over to the water's edge and started collecting seashells. There was a little boy there about my age. I can't recall his name or what he looked like, but it was definitely the first time I "liked" a boy. He started collecting shells with me. We spent the entire day on the beach, collecting seashells until sunset. I so vividly remember the feeling of disappointment when my mom started calling. I didn't want to leave.

I came home that day with two giant bags full of seashells. I went through them all and cleaned up my favorites. I painted some of the ugly ones. I kept the rest in a bag in my closet for a long time before I finally tossed them.

Every now and then, one of those seashells turns up in a random place like an old jewelry box or the girls' toy box.

That was a really good day.

Weekend came and went - a blur as usual and as usual I didn't make time to post because I FAIL. WTF is wrong with me lately? I used to love this journaling crapola.

Met up with my friends on Saturday again at their favorite little hole in the wall karaoke place which I can't stand. I love hanging out with them but I really need to find a new place for us to meet. The problem is that we don't do dance clubs and we hate places with nothing to do but stand around and drink while listening to music so loud no one can hear themselves think which makes our options pretty limited. Why are there no decent fun little bars around here? I miss The Playground so much. Feesh and I really need to open our own place one day. It would be amazing. We've been saying that for like 20 years now.

Anyway, in an amusing twist of fate, my ex-dad (stepfather #2, the musician one) now does karaoke sometimes and had taken over for the normal guy last Sat night. HA! Hadn't seen him in... sheesh... 15 years? He and my mom didn't exactly split under the greatest of circumstances. Between the drama with my court trial, and my mom and I catching him in bed with another woman when I was 15... oh what fond memories...

Ran all over the freaking city yesterday looking for a bunny costume and vampire cape for Sierra (she's being Bunnicula lol), a black cat for Morgan, and a pirate costume for me. Struck out EVERYWHERE. WTH? Really? Everyone carries ears and tails but the actual costumes are impossible to find in stores. And as for the pirate costume, the were just out of my size everywhere, but of course they had a size too small and a size too large in every one I liked. Ugh. Lesson learned. Ebay is win. Real life stores are for losers.

In PS Other Random News or... uh P.O.R.N? lol - Saw my GirlCrush in the elevator again the other day. I was lookin pretty hot. I think she noticed me! I still don't have the nerve to talk to her though. haha

When I was younger I used to hurry to get all my chores done so I could go out and play. Now going out to play seems like the chore.

( cut for depressingness... )

In other news, I still really wanna get my nose pierced. And I need some new jewelry in my holes. I took most of it out a while ago. I miss my clicky tongue and my secret shinies. And why the hell am I not inked yet?

Also, as I sit here typing, the silence is broken only by the sound of my chinchillas making some strange clicking/slapping noises which sound eerily like a guy jerking off angrily.

I hereby declare myself queen of self-sabotaging behavior.

Had a fun weekend, I think. It was all kind of a blur.

( Haunted Houses and Weekend Recap )

I'm definitely throwing a Halloween party on Friday the 30th, the building is having a party on the 31st (so are a couple other friends) and my sis is having one on Nov 1st so I'd better get started on that costume thing.

And either this Friday or next weekend we're all going to head up to Teror Behind the Walls at Eastern State Penitentiary in Philly.

Oh Halloween, I love you so!!!

Yanno how so much of the time, new moms will document and photograph every second of their first child's life. Then years later the younger siblings will look back at their own empty baby books and think, "What the hell, mom? Why is mine blank?"

Well I appear to be doing the opposite with Morgan and Sierra. I was young, working full time, broke, and moving around so much when Morgan was born. I didn't have a camera, a video camera, or even a cell phone at that time. I did keep up on her baby book better than I did Sierra's, but I can't believe how many precious Morgan moments I missed capturing on film. Baby Morgan and toddler Morgan were so funny, witty, and bright. She was walking at 6 months and speaking in full sentences by 1 and a half! And she was such a ham! It was hysterical!!! It eats me up inside sometimes to think about all the funny Morgan memories that only live in my head. So I overdo it with Sierra because I don't want to end up kicking myself twice, but then I feel guilty because it seems I'm filming every second of Sierra's baby/toddler/big girl life when I didn't do the same for Morgan. It doesn't help that tween Morgan usually dodges cameras like I do, but still... I don't want her growing up thinking I play favorites.

Meh... so anyway...

TODAY MY BAYBEE LOST HER FIRST TOOTH!!!!

( A few pics from today... )

VICTORY IS MINE!!!




This bugger took MONTHS to come out. The adult one is almost fully grown in. It really was bleeding something terrible at first. She looked like zombie hungry for brains and it terrified her, but it's funny how quickly this child goes from crying her eyes out to laughing and singing. She's done that since she was a newborn. I used to joke that her first words were going to be "I'm bipolar". She then proceeded to keep it in a pickle, lose it twice, and burp on camera. What a classy girl. Just like her mama.

So Friday I broke down and bought some new jeans, and then headed to a friend's party. The guy throwing the party was a straight white guy with a gay black roommate, so the party theme was Black, White, Gay or Straight which was truly Jewelz approved. Their place was great and there were TONS of people, but I had to leave early to go meet muh girlfriends. There was much drinking and the gayness seemed to follow us. Met a hysterical gay couple there who kept us highly entertained all evening. Our favorite binge drinker was on some medication and unable to drink, so we took advantage of her once in a lifetime temporary sobriety and made her our Double D for the evening. Overall a fun night. Slept in on Saturday then cleaned the hell out of my apartment. I haven't pulled the Halloween decorations out yet... think I might do that tonight.

Then late last night Mike and I went out to see Zombieland. SO FUNNY! I'll be quoting that one for a while.

If you haven't already, GO SEE IT!!!

OMG I just slept for 13 hours. WUT? I haven't done that in... years?

Headed out to the mall to buy some clothes. I'm too fat for my skinny jeans and not fat enough for my fat ones. Yay? I think? Whatev. I literally only have 3 pairs of shorts that fit at the moment and it's FREEZING outside. lol

Then I'm going to pretend to be social again tonight. Got another old friend coming out of the woodwork just to play with us which is always nice. And it's been a while since I've seen the infamous Kara. She's irresponsible and she makes bad decisions, but she admits it and we love her. And of course my Feesha will be there. I don't get to see her often these days. She's pretty much the only one who can drag me out of my cave.

If only she had a penis. I'd probably marry her.

Nothing like seeing your old sex offender pop up on your facebook homepage as a suggestion for someone you might know, because some of your family members and networked people are apparently friends with him.

Wow. That's awesome.

I should add him. I'll send a note that says "OMG HAI! Remember that time you molested my virginitiez away? LOL That was soooo long ago! Anywho, add me back and join my pirate crew and farmville neighborhood! kk thx!!!"

I'm not bitter. I swear.